Attendant Reality
Posted by dlhgphoto on Apr 8, 2008 at 9:52 p.m.
Attendant RealityAKA - what you expect of your bridal party vs. what they expect to do
One of the fun parts of getting married and planning a wedding is supposed to be the time you spend with your bridesmaids and groomsman putting the day together. Overall, there's usually more fun with your attendants then drama... but, in every wedding I've seen that involved wedding attendants there's always one or two (usually one on each side) that do nothing to help the happy couple but cause drama, it's almost an unspoken and unplanned wedding tradition.
When you pick your bridesmaids and groomsmen keep in mind that while it's nice if they help you, don't necessarily count on it. Of course your wedding day is one of the most important days in your life, but that level of importance isn't necessarily true for your bridal party. In other words, if one of them isn't able to dedicate as much as time as you'd like to the planning of your day don't spend too much energy getting angry. Your wedding isn't necessarily one of the most important days in their life.
The best way to try to avoid drama is to be very clear with your attendants what you expect of them. While you may have a list of tasks you'd like them to help with, they may not (and probably aren't) expecting to do much work other than show up on the wedding day. Sit down with them, let them what you'd like them to help you with as items arise, and ask what they're able to help you with. This is especially important when you get to the week within the wedding and the wedding day. Give them plenty of warning to make sure they'll agree to it - especially if you're wanting them to run errands, help set up or clean up. It doesn't hurt to even write up a list of who's doing what and to give people copies for the wedding day.
A common area of frustration is your bridal party getting their attire for the big day. In some cases the couple getting married pay for the bridesmaids and groomsmen attire. In other cases (and more often than not these days) the wedding party is expected to pay for it themselves. When you're picking your wedding party's attire keep the expense in mind. If you're expecting them to pay, first make sure that they're able to afford it. Don't pick elaborate gowns or tuxes with all the accessories when you know your group doesn't have a large income. Not only is it a bit inconsiderate, but it can create a lot of resentment, especially when they'll probably only wear the garment once. If you're expecting them to pay, especially your bridesmaids, try to find something that will be flattering on them and that they may be able to wear again. A great option is to give them a color or two you'd like them to wear, and allow them to pick something out from a few styles or even whatever they'd like. The more flexibility you give them, the happier and more appreciative they'll be.
Try to figure out expenses you expect your wedding party to pay as early as possible so your attendants can have plenty of time to get the money together (don't forget about hotel rooms if you're having an out of town wedding). When you know the price try to talk with each of your attendants individually before you order anything to make sure they can afford it. You don't want to order the clothes or book rooms and then find out they won't be able to pay.
You may have to do some encouraging and reminding when it comes to getting their measurements for clothes (which can end up being pretty frustrating). A good way around this is to pick a day you can get all of your bridesmaids together and all go get measurements and pick out clothes together. Not only will it be some quality time together, but you'll know it's taken care of. Same with the groomsmen. If you can get them to all go take care of the tuxes together, you know it's done.
If drama does arise, don't let it ruin your day or become a big issue. Your wedding day is about you and your fiancé. If someone has decided to play the role of the drama queen or king, ask them to go calm down somewhere else for a while. Try not to play your "bride card" or your "groom card" too much that day (no one likes a bridezilla), but play it as graciously as possible when necessary.
Remember, you have control over whether you're happy or not. Don't allow other people to have the power over you to decide the enjoyment of your day. When you get frustrated, take a deep breath, close your eyes, and picture your fiancé and the kiss. That's what really matters.
~Dawn Gunter, DLHG Photography
Tags: Wedding Planning